I feel a bit guilty. Organization month was so much fun for me. All April, I had a great time getting my ducks in a row, making lists and plans, generally creating order. I enjoyed reading books on the topic, and even while each chore or task was not necessarily a joy, it gave me a sense of accomplishment. It was check-able.
Friendship month, on the other had, is drudgery. I feel just awful saying that. I should be excited to make new friends, and make better connections with those that I already have. I am just spent, though. It’s exhausting keeping up with other people – everyone’s schedules are different, and sometimes I wonder if I’m even benefiting from the project. I mean, if it’s a complete chore to maintain contact with someone, is the effort worth it? On the other hand, if I don’t start to be a little more active in this area, I’m going to end up friendless.
Is it possibly just that this point in my life isn’t necessarily conducive to friend making? I have a few co-workers and neighbors that I could become closer with, but I’m not sure that’s a line I want to cross. It seems like it’s easy enough to make friends when you have kids – I used to make temporary mom-friends without trying when I’d take my babysitting charges to the playground. Not that I’d pursue those friendships – I felt like a fraud in that situation – but I can see how those types of friendships could easily and naturally evolve. In my current situation, I feel like I’m forcing friendships.
So which is better – forced friendships, or none at all?
I wish I just felt a little more comfortable socializing. That would make this month quite a bit easier! But… again… “easy” is not why I’m doing the Happiness Project! It seems strange that being happy should be work, or that happiness can be unpleasant. I suppose this month I just need to remind myself that I’m working toward long-term happiness and not just temporary pleasure. Forcing myself to communicate and get out into the social scene WILL eventually make things better — and hopefully it will get easier with practice!