Catastrophic friendship failure.

I wish that I could start this post with, “Oh, I had so much fun with my meetup.com cooking group, I met so many potential friends…” However, to my embarrassment and semi-regret I completely chickened out.

I was supposed to go to a pot luck cookout at a lady’s house.  I should have gone; I could have gone; I didn’t go.

It’s easy to say that if I wasn’t sick I would have gone (spent 3 work days in bed this week), or if the gathering was at a public place I would have gone (what if the host was an ax murderer?), but to be honest I’m not sure that I would have gone even in ideal  conditions.

To make matters worse, I dropped out of the club (and meetup.com) entirely.  I just panicked.  Catastrophic friendship failure.

I’ll just have to pick up the pieces and move on.

Small Successes

Friendship month is kind of a wash.  I still have almost two weeks left, though, so maybe I’ll have some larger successes in the near future.  For now, however, I’ll have to be content with my (very) minor successes so far:

• I joined meetup.com and will (hopefully, if I don’t lose my nerve) attend my first event this weekend.  Nevermind that when I told my mom about it, she was sure I’d be murdered and basically made me regret ever joining.
• Joined a Zumba class.  This, I think, will be key.  Same time, same place, same people – I have to make a friend out of this eventually, right?
• Started a friendship log, so I can see what I’m doing (and where I’m lacking).

Small steps will get me somewhere, slowly but surely, I suppose… so long as I keep taking them!

Friendship Month Is Hard

I feel a bit guilty.  Organization month was so much fun for me.  All April, I had a great time getting my ducks in a row, making lists and plans, generally creating order.  I enjoyed reading books on the topic, and even while each chore or task was not necessarily a joy, it gave me a sense of accomplishment.  It was check-able.

Friendship month, on the other had, is drudgery.  I feel just awful saying that.  I should be excited to make new friends, and make better connections with those that I already have.  I am just spent, though.  It’s exhausting keeping up with other people – everyone’s schedules are different, and sometimes I wonder if I’m even benefiting from the project.  I mean, if it’s a complete chore to maintain contact with someone, is the effort worth it?  On the other hand, if I don’t start to be a little more active in this area, I’m going to end up friendless.

Is it possibly just that this point in my life isn’t necessarily conducive to friend making?  I have a few co-workers and neighbors that I could become closer with, but I’m not sure that’s a line I want to cross.  It seems like it’s easy enough to make friends when you have kids – I used to make temporary mom-friends without trying when I’d take my babysitting charges to the playground.  Not that I’d pursue those friendships – I felt like a fraud in that situation – but I can see how those types of friendships could easily and naturally evolve.  In my current situation, I feel like I’m forcing friendships.

So which is better – forced friendships, or none at all?

I wish I just felt a little more comfortable socializing.  That would make this month quite a bit easier!  But… again… “easy” is not why I’m doing the Happiness Project!  It seems strange that being happy should be work, or that happiness can be unpleasant.  I suppose this month I just need to remind myself that I’m working toward long-term happiness and not just temporary pleasure.  Forcing myself to communicate and get out into the social scene WILL eventually make things better — and hopefully it will get easier with practice!

Remembering Birthdays

I don’t have a knack for remembering dates (or names, or faces…), so I’m working on a way to track and celebrate birthdays.  I have a few ideas, so far, but haven’t settled on one.  Maybe you have something to add to my list.

1. Gift Elephant, which I’ve posted about before, will e-mail you a week before a birthday.  I added my closest friends’ and family members’ names in, but haven’t taken the time (yet?) to enter cousins, acquaintances, etc.
2. I use Google Calendar, in which you can repeat an event so it shows up every year.  I think you can have it remind you, as well.  Again, I have immediate family members’ birthdays entered, but that’s it.
3. Facebook does a fantastic job of reminding people of acquaintances’ (and in my case, some cousins’) birthdays; however, in order to use this feature I’d need to actually log in once in a while.  I know that I’m not committed enough to Facebook to log in daily just to see if it’s anyone’s birthday, but I could do a better job of checking birthdays the times I do sign on.
4. During my organization month in April, I set up a tickler file – a system of 12 file folders labeled by month and 31 slots (for days of the month) in a bill organizer.  This would be handy to keep cards in – for example, I could make an anniversary card whenever I have the time, and stick it in the August folder to plan ahead for my parents’ anniversary.  I could even attach a list of important dates in each folder, and on the first of the month plan ahead accordingly.
5. I love the idea of having a hanging paper calendar on the fridge.  I could fill in birthdays at the beginning of the year.
6. My grandma buys cards in advance, and as soon as she purchases them, addresses the envelope and puts the delivery date in the top right corner.  When the date approaches, she sticks a stamp over the date and drops it in the mailbox.  Maybe I could somehow combine this with my tickler system.

I have two birthdays to remember in May, so hopefully I’ll have my system worked out in the next week or so.  Any ideas would be appreciated!

Zumba!

I wasn’t specifically trying to make friends, but I think I may have found a way that’ll be easier than many of my other endeavors.  Also, even if I don’t make a friend or two out of it, maybe I’ll get my tushie into better shape!

I’m talking about Zumba here, folks.  With a tagline, “Ditch the workout, join the party,” who could resist?  We’re YMCA members, and I’m trying to take better advantage of the many classes they offer.  I dropped in on a Zumba class today, purely for the exercise, but when I saw dozens of ladies milling about, waiting for class to begin, I felt hope – potential friends!  I struck up a short conversation with one of the girls who looked about my age, and she seemed really nice. It was a short conversation, and aside from my initial comment (Do you come to this class every week?), it wasn’t forced.  I didn’t go over and stand by the girl during the class, or even ask her name.  I don’t want to be stalkerish, or needy, or pushy, so becoming a regular Zumba-er may be the thing for me.  If I continue to go to the same class weekly, maybe I’ll continue bumping into the same people weekly, and eventually develop a friendship.  Perhaps this is how the real world works, and I just need to stop trying so hard.

Expanding My Social Circle

It’s completely out of my comfort zone, but I’ve decided to go for it – I’ve joined a cooking club where I know absolutely no one.  It’ll be an experience, though whether it’s one I’ll continue or limit to once will be seen in a few weeks.

I found out about the cooking club on Meetup.com.  I followed a link from a blog I follow(MWF Seeking BFF) with low expectations.  I live in a small city, and typically the closest clubs and events that I see advertised on various websites take place at least four hours away from my house.  This site was different, though – it had dozens of groups in my city, from backpacking to socializing to the John Birch Society (no, thank you).  Their mission is “to revitalize local community and help people around the world self-organize. Meetup believes that people can change their personal world, or the whole world, by organizing themselves into groups that are powerful enough to make a difference.”

I’m looking forward to the first event I’ll attend – a potluck picnic.  I’m not bringing a friend or the husband, and that makes me nervous – no security blanket.  At the same time, though, I think that’ll be my saving grace – it will force me to talk to people I don’t know.  Hopefully I’ll keep a good attitude about the whole thing for a few weeks – at least through the first meeting, and then I can see how I feel from there.

Friendship Links

Last month when I tried to gather organization resources, I found that I had tagged about two dozen links as “organization” on my Google reader.  When I pulled up links tagged as “friendship”  yesterday, I expected at least a good handful.  It’s sad to say, but I must be more interested in keeping my household in order than in keeping my friendships in order, because I had saved only two (two!) links on this subject.

Determined not to let past failures get the best of me, I started to search for at least a few more resources, and was delighted to find entire blogs dedicated to the subject.  I haven’t really dug my teeth into any yet, but here are some I’ll be exploring.  I’ll update as I read more.

Blogs:

• MWF Seeks BFF
• The Friendship Blog
• The Happiness Project (the blog’s not only about friendship, but it has many great posts on the topic)

Posts and Internet Articles:

• How to Make Friends as an Adult (AOL Health)
• The Power of Friendship (Gaiam Life)
• Real-Life Social Networking (Redbook)
• The Doctor Is In (MWF Seeks BFF)
• Eight Tips for Maintaining Friendships (The Happiness Project)

On the Bookshelf: Friendship

I stopped at the library to check out some books for this month’s happiness project (friendship).  While the pickings were slim, I did come up with a handful of hopefuls.

A New Month, A New Happiness Project Theme

The theme of the month is friendship, and I’m in dire need of a little focus in this area.  I am a homebody by nature, and am typically more content spending time around the house with my husband than going to a party.  When I do get together with friends, though, I almost always end up saying, “We should do this more often.”  And then, of course, nothing changes and before I know it it’ll be six weeks since I’ve seen my best friend.

Here are my general ideas for the month.  I’m not sure which I’ll stick with, or what I’ll add, or if I even want to do some of them.  I’d like to pick some concrete actions by the end of the week, but I’d like to mull things over for a bit first.

• Contact a certain number of friends per week.  (Possibly track this so I know who I haven’t spoken with in a while?)
• Plan a regular gathering (weekly coffee, monthly drinks, or seasonal party?)
• Remember birthdays with a card, e-mail, or phone call
• Start a book club

Any ideas on items to add?

Goal Update

It’s about time … *shudder* … to check in on my goals.  All of my goals.  Which I have been “working towards.”  In theory.

It’s not so bad, really.  I think I’ll find that I’m not doing quite as well as I thought, though, which is the reason for the shudder.  Here goes nothing…

1)  Make delicious, home-made dinners a non-event

OK, this is the goal that I’m probably doing the best on (so I’m really glad it’s first!).  I’ve gone from burnt grilled cheese sandwiches and soggy PastaRoni to oven fried tilapia and martini mac and cheese.  My current goal is to find some lighter recipes to try.  Grade: A

2)  Buy and make quality pieces for our home

I’ve given more thought to the amount of time any given item will last, and if it’s worth putting in a few extra dollars for a better product.  Sometimes it’s not – a book at Half Price Books will be the same as a book at Barnes and Noble – but if it’s something that will be an obvious quality difference (for example, the watch H wears daily), I’d rather buy one that will last.  I try not to balk at spending more on an item I know we can get for less, and instead focus on the quality.  We haven’t had any major purchases in the past few months, though, so I’ve only put this into action on a small scale.  Grade: B

3)  Continuously improve our marriage

I read The Five Love Languages (and I’d highly recommend it to any person, married or not), and I’ve put a good dent in my second reading of Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus.  In a stroke of what can only be called brilliance, I put that book on the shelf behind the toilet.  Best marriage move  yet.  That may be an exaggeration, but it really has been a success – I could never convince H to read a marriage book so frequently otherwise.  Grade: A

4)  Be confident in my appearance

On the positive side, I’ve started wearing makeup on a regular basis, and I’ve started styling my hair once in a while instead of pulling it back every single day.  I haven’t been able to lose the weight that I wanted, though, so I’m disappointed most of the time  I look in the mirror.  Grade: D

5)  Be proficient on the sewing machine

I haven’t spent much time on this goal, so there’s not much to report.  I’ve only done one sewing project in 2010 (an apron), and it turned out well.  It’s nothing that I couldn’t have done in high school, however, so I’m going to have to give myself poor marks for this goal!  Grade: F

6)  Keep an organized, clean home

I’d say the house is organized.  We have a place for everything, anyway.  Everything in it’s place?  Not so much.  H is organized.  His jacket is never on the floor, his books are never left lying about, and his keys are always on the key hook.  I am a little more scatterbrained.  If I can see my desktop, it’s a good day.  I am working on it, though.  Whenever I get a spare moment, I play a game where I put away five things in every room.  (We only have six rooms, so it doesn’t take long.)  It’s made a difference.  Cleaning doesn’t happen quite as frequently as it should, but it could be worse.  Grade: B

7)  Act instead of plan

I used to waste a lot of time blog surfing.  I truly mean waste, too – I was subscribing to every semi-interesting blog that I came across, which quickly snowballed into over 250 subscriptions.  I’d fill up to 1000+ items in three days if I didn’t keep on top of it .  I’d spend hours just hitting next, next, next, next, on Google Reader.  I am very proud to say that I’ve kicked the habit!  I do still love reading posts, but I found a way to dramatically reduce wasting time on blogs that I wasn’t getting anything out of.  This left me with quite a bit more time to live in the real world, and I am getting only quality, interesting information daily.  Grade: A

8)  Keep a healthy household

After hundreds of dollars in dental and eyecare bills, I’d give myself an A just to make myself feel better about spending so much.  And that’s AFTER insurance.  We also joined the YMCA and have been regularly attending.  My $1 per half hour plan has been largely successful.  I’m still using and loving it, and H has made such a good habit of working out that he doesn’t even need to use the program anymore.  We’ve cut out chocolate and chips for Lent.  Next up: portion control and cutting the calories!  Grade: A

9)  Be confident in our finances

I use Mint.com to track all expenses, and I know where nearly every dollar goes.  That’s not to say that I rigidly follow our budget, however.  Something always seems to come up that we weren’t expecting, or that I thought would cost less.  I also would like to have a better “big picture” idea of finances.  H typically handles all larger transactions (stocks, mutual funds, etc.), and I do day to day items.  It would be better if we had a little more overlap… or at least if I had a better idea of our finances on a whole.  Grade: C

10)  Be a friend

After a long hiatus, I’ve made friends with Facebook once again.  As much as I dislike it in theory (more on that later), it does have quite a few redeeming values, and at this point I’ll use it for the purpose of being a better friend.  Also, another good mark: by the end of this weekend, I’ll have spent time with three different groups of friends – a really good weekend for me.  I’m still not making the grade, though.  One of my best high school friends moved into a duplex about a mile down the road two months ago, and I’ve seen him ONCE in all of that time.  Grade: B

11)  Give back to the community

Big fat failure.  Nothing else to say about this one.  Grade: F

That wasn’t so bad!  I think I need to check in on my goals every month – it has been eye opening, and it’s motivated me to get up off of this couch and get going!

Gift Elephant

About a year ago, my mom suggested keeping track of all gifts that I give out for Christmas so I don’t repeat myself.  (Looking back, I’m not sure if this was some sort of a hint… if so… sorry Mom!)  It really does make sense.  I can barely remember what I gave my parents for Christmas a few months ago, much less years before that.

One of the handiest tools I’ve found for tracking gifts given and received is Gift Elephant.  You type in a gift you’ve given to any given person, and when next Christmas comes around, you can be sure you won’t give them the same thing again!  It stores birthdays/anniversaries/etc., and will even send you a reminder in the week prior.  It also has some neat search features – you’ll have to check it out for yourself.

I’ve found only one drawback.  Who’s to say that Gift Elephant will still be around in 5, 10, 20 years?  What if it goes under, and all of my info is lost to the world?  I’ve e-mailed them about this concern, so I’ll update if I have an answer for you!

Does anyone else have any brilliant (or even mediocre) ideas?  How you keep track of gifts?

–

**Update** I did e-mail Gift Elephant, and here’s what I got in return.  I’m satisfied!

…We’re working on adding the ability for you to print and download the info you’ve entered into your Gift Elephant account.

We don’t have any plans of shutting down the site (in fact, we’re adding more users every day). But in the unlikely event that ever were to happen, you’ll still be able to make sure your info isn’t lost to the world. :)

Thanks again!
The Gift Elephant Team

Christmas Cards Complete!

Our Christmas cards are all but finished!  They were a piece of cake to address, especially compared to addressing our wedding invitations earlier this year.  I’ll drop all of the cards off at the mailbox in front of school tomorrow morning.  They’ll be out of our hands and into the hands of our friends and family.  Phew!

I’ve also decided to add another goal to my “active” list.  I’m doing pretty well at my first three categories (friends, cooking, relationship), so I thought I’d try to make it a bit more of a challenge (and believe me, it will be a challenge!).  I’ll be working on goal number four — be confident in my appearance.  This is a really, really broad goal.  Perhaps too broad.  It encompasses healthy eating, exercise, hair and makeup, clothing… and I’m taking it on.  I went to a Mary Kay party this afternoon, and it felt so great to take the time to do my makeup for once.  I typically wear little to nothing on my face, and lately when I look in the mirror I’m disappointed.  Today was the first time in a while that I felt pleased when I saw my reflection.  There’s a good motivator!  Now, if I could only feel that motivated about eating, exercise, and clothes…

Snow Day!

I spontaneously started writing Christmas cards today.  We weren’t even really planning on sending them out, but thanks to a snow day, I had plenty of time on my hands!  I began writing one or two, and it ended up being a decent sized pile.  We’ve written cards for my aunts/uncles/grandparents, some of the husband’s aunts/uncles/grandparents (still working on this one), and all of our close friends.  The addresses are next, and I think that those will be more of a hassle than the cards were!  The cards actually weren’t so bad, especially because after a while I switched from cards with blank insides (lots of space to fill) to cards that had a little “Merry Christmas” blip inside.  Our addresses are already pulled together in one tidy spreadsheet from the wedding, so I think I’ll just take some time this weekend to compile one for Christmas cards.  It’ll be good to get them our of our hands and into the mailboxes of our friends and families!

I’m a Bridesmaid!!

Remember the dear friend who I accidentally stood up yesterday?  After chatting on the phone, I found out that number one, she was not upset about missing each other yesterday (actually, semi-relieved since she was worn our from wedding dress shopping all weekend).  I also found out that she wants me to be a BRIDESMAID!  I’m so excited.  She was in our wedding about two months ago, but she has four sisters and many close friends, so I thought that I would probably be a guest but not standing up.  I am so thrilled that I get to be a part of the wedding.  I am also glad that this time I get to be a bystander instead of main stage!  Our wedding was amazing, but boy am I glad that the work and attention are over.  It was a lot to handle!

This is wedding #2 that I’ll be in during 2010.  The other is the wedding of my husband’s college roommate.  My husband is standing up as well, and I’m both excited and nervous for that one.  I’m glad that DH will be there with me.  I’m not particularly close with the bride, and from the e-mails she sent out it looks like a large bridal party (I know one other bridesmaid).  (It appears that there are nine bridesmaids… but that can’t possibly be right, can it?)  Even so, I think that between the bride and groom, most of the groomsmen, and my husband, I’ll be ready to rock my socks (or nylons) off.

A Success and A Failure

Today was a wonderful day… except for one monumental failure.

My good friend Anne lives about two hours away from my town.  I see her rarely, and I’m ashamed to say I’ve never even visited her.  The city I live in is on the way to her hometown, so we frequently meet up when she’s on the way to or from there.  Today I was supposed to have coffee with her on her way back home, and I completely missed the call, and didn’t realize it until hours later.  I feel just awful.  I didn’t even remember that she was passing through until I saw her missed call on my cell phone.  She’s been engaged for a month and I haven’t seen her since.  She was my dearest friend in college, and we roomed together for years.  I can’t believe I’ve let our friendship go so downhill.  I made a “phone date” with her for tomorrow, so at least we’ll get to chat, but it’s just not the same as it used to be.

On a more positive note, I had a successful day in the kitchen.  For about six months, our cupboard space has been hogged by a gigantic can of tuna… and I do mean gigantic.  It weighs just over four pounds.  I’d been hesitant to open it, as I never had the desire to eat that much tuna in one sitting, and never really came up with a plan of how to use it all.  I finally researched some recipes, and this week we’ll be tuna-ed up to the brim, because here are some of our menu items this week:

Tuna Salad Sandwiches (already made — I tasted a pinch and it was GOOD)
Tuna Noodle Casserole (I plan to freeze this right away and eat another week)
Cold Pasta and Tuna Salad

I think it will be a long time before I’m ready for tuna again.  Or mayonnaise, for that matter.

I also made absolutely delicious soft pretzels and cheese sauce.  A-MA-ZING, and hubby agreed.  He usually enjoys the food we eat (or at least is kind enough to say that he does), but very rarely do we both like the same thing.  Typically, our meals are summarized by, “This was good, but next time we should add more…”  Not this snack.  Perfection, as long as it was warm.

Last week’s lasagna dinner was a hit.  It was a great recipe, though I added extra meat for my carnivore husband, and it actually was the worse for it.  His exact words, were “It was good, but it needed more sauce, noodles, and cheese.”  Or… less meat.  Still, all keeper recipes.  I really liked the Caesar salad dressing, but it wasn’t a huge hit with everyone in the house.  DH ate it, but the next day when we were ready for salad round two, he decided to go with bottle dressing instead of leftover Caesar.

A tall, tall pile of dishes awaits me.  Is it wrong to leave them until morning?  And in the morning, decide to do them after work?  *sigh*  I suppose I should at least go rinse them before they cement themselves together.